So, long time no entry? I suppose that's how you would put it.

I've been through a constant struggle with college this entire semester. Comp II and US History I are killing me right now, and I'm doing the best I can to bring those 2 grades up, but I also wonder if it's enough ...

I feel like I'm going right back to high school as far as my schoolwork is concerned. I've always been a procrastinator, and I wish I could somehow just rid myself of it instantly. I'm tired of it.

It all started with this game I bought back in January called Guild Wars. Ever since I started playing that game, I've done nothing but slack off, do my homework at the very last minute possible (and I do mean the very last minute possible ...), and I never realized it until a week ago. It almost seems like it's too late for me to recover, and I start to wonder just what will happen if I make up all of this work and it not be enough. I hope that I really do not end up failing college. What example does that set for me, or even my family for that matter ...? My family means more to me than anything else, and I feel like I've given them constant pain all these years because of my lack of effort with schoolwork and my obsession of video games. Sometimes, I want to rid myself of video games forever. If I fail college, I might not be able to withstand the amount of pain that it'll cause me or my family. The only thing I can do at this point is try and hope something good comes out in the end. My biggest fear in life is failure, and I don't want to live my life in this fear I have. 

Wow, long time since I've updated. I had forgotten about this place.

Life is going decently well, I suppose. I just had my 19th birthday, and it was fun. 2nd semester of college is going well. I am Principal Tuba Player of the Arkansas Tech University Symphonic Band. I'm going to be playing in the Arkansas Intercollegiate Band at the All-State clinic along with the Arkansas Tech University Brass Choir as well, which is in February. I got a bid for Kappa Kappa Psi, and I'm excited about doing it. So yeah, there's the pros of the situation.

Now moving on the cons, I'm still single at the moment, and I feel alone at times. I hate feeling like I still have to live off of my mom or my grandmother. I wanna be able to earn my money and not have to bribe people for it. I want a job, but it would be hard enough trying to maintain a job and keep up with college classes as well. I'm still confused on what to do about that. There are times when I feel that my friends aren't there for me. There are some things wrong with me mentally that I need to fix such as having low self-confidence, being a pessimist, and just feeling like crap most of the time.

So yeah, that sums up just about all of me to this point.

Things have been rather boring around here lately. I'm running out of things to do besides the normal band rehearsals and whatnot. I can't even get through half the day without being bored. I suppose that's college life.

Finals week is next week, and I'm not really that concerned about it to be honest. I'm just taking a few tests, and I'm done. Although I hate the fact of having to play at graduation on the 16th, but I guess it's okay.

I did well on my juries surprisingly. To be honest, I don't think I'm that great of a tuba player. Yeah, I'm surprised I did as well as I did in high school, but I think it was all luck. Maybe it's a self-confidence issue. Who knows ...

I can't really say anything about my life now. There are so many twists and turns that I don't know where to begin at. I'm not really worried about them right now. It's more along the lines of not caring about them anymore.

So yeah, happy Thanksgiving and all that jazz. Not really much to say except.......

....... THE WII IS FREAKIN' AWESOME .... EVEN THOUGH I DON'T OWN ONE! YAY!